Anyone who has spent any amount of time with me knows that I am a complete idiot when it comes to ordering food. Typically the only thing that I consistently am able to get right is when I say “no tomatoes”. I can do that okay. The rest is a train wreck.

Here’s how it usually goes.  I will look intently at a menu, whether it be something on the wall above a Taco Bell employee or a menu in my hand.  And I will stare at this menu for a good amount of time knowing full well in the back of my mind, that I’m not really reading anything or even noticing that I am looking at something.  My mind is somewhere else and I know what’s about to happen. Everyone else that I am with will have ordered and the circle of ordering around the table stops at me.

At this point the pressure is now elevated to the point where, even if I wanted to, there’s no possible way of concentrating on what I actually want to eat.  The waiter or waitress tapping their pencil on their little pad of paper.  The annoyed Taco Bell teenager popping their gum and shifting back and forth on their feet swaying left to right.  I start to panic and scan the menu for the first picture that looks appealing and point at that, following it up with a “no tomatoes”.  Yes! Got that part right.

Here’s the problem with The Order Disorder.  You end up with something that ten minutes later you will be sitting there asking yourself, “Why did I even get this?  What made me think this would even be decent?”.  And then there’s the inevitable, “This looks nothing like the picture!”.  

You know why you’re disappointed, Brody?  Here’s why.  Because you ordered by grunting at a picture and giving no thought to what you were doing.  That’s why you have something sitting in front of you called “Lard Nar” and are flipping it around with your fork trying to come up with some part that looks edible.  But at least there are no tomatoes.

And don’t get me started on trying to ask a question about a specific menu item.  If I ask a question about it, chances are I am just going to panic and get whatever the waiter or waitress recommends.  ”Yeah, sure, that sounds fine.”  I can probably be talked in to ordering anything even if it sounds really nasty.  It’s sad really.

I know there are plenty of people reading this that have witnessed my panic when it comes to ordering.  Randy was making fun of me yesterday for it.  Anyone else out there suffer from The Order Disorder?  Maybe we should start a support group or something.