Last night, without really getting in to it, I asked what your worst fears were.  What kept you up at night and what occupied your mind when you felt weak.  At least that’s how I interpreted it, and based on some of the answers it seems like that’s how you interpreted it too.

This weeks Positive Post Tuesday I wanted to do something a little different and focus on the release of those fears.  In the comments Kat wrote:

In the midst of facing my biggest fear I somehow found myself raising my hands and saying, “God, whatever brings you the most glory. *That’s* what I want.”

I cannot begin to tell you how freeing that was. I don’t even know that I fully meant it. But I wanted to mean it and God’s grace took me the rest of the way.

That simple concept blew me away this morning when I read it.  ”…But I wanted to mean it and God’s grace took me the rest of the way”.  How many times in life are we reduced to that spot?  We desperately want to let go of our fears and concerns for life but we, as humans can’t.  For some reason we can’t unashamedly lean on something other than ourselves, even though we know we need to.

Today I want to focus on the idea that even though there’s nothing we can do about our situations.  There’s nothing we can do to change the course that God has planned for us.  The only thing we can do is find a peace in the fact that we are not in control.  There may not ever be a day in our lives where fear doesn’t creep in and try to control us, but it’s amazing to know that it’s not our responsibility to address that fear other than giving it away.

How do you deal with a reoccurring fear in your life?

Welcome to Tuesday.  If you are just joining us this week, the rules are simple.  Write something positive on your blog, then come back here and fill out the box below.  Sounds easy enough right?  Let’s spread some positivity today.

We’ve spent a lot of time this month in the care of medical professionals.  I suppose that’s to be expected with three boys, but nothing can prepare you for that feeling of your stomach turning inside out and loosing your mind all at once.  Last night was easily the worst experience of my life and I pray not too many of you can relate.

I don’t know how many of you out there have had the unbelievable misfortune of holding your baby as their eyes roll back into their head, their body convulsing uncontrollably, and between shakes feeling like there are no muscles inside them at all.  For those of you that have, I’ve joined in that fear, and I pray to never experience that again.

As soon as I got home last night, Cooper was in his highchair waiting for dinner and didn’t even look over at me when I walked in the door.  I walked up to him and noticed a blank stare on his face and his arm start to flex over and over.  I picked him up and the seizure started to get worse.  This is the moment, as a parent, you truly have no idea what to do.  I tried to get him to respond with no success, and had Kristin call the ambulance.  Ten minutes later or so, he had thrown up several times and was still not responding to anything.  

Once the ambulance got there he had stopped seizing, but his eyes were still rolling around and not responding.  For what seemed like the longest ambulance ride to Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital possible, Cooper was given oxygen, and was hooked up to all sorts of machines.  I sent out a Twitter and was immediately flooded with encouragement and prayers.  This online community blows me away daily.

Once we got to the hospital Cooper was responding to us talking but still wouldn’t talk or move around that much.  After much poking and prodding… and a popsicle, he started to come around and was acting more normal.  What seemed like an entire day of trauma truly only lasted about three hours.  The doctors checked him out, watched him off and on and finally told us it was a result of some virus and a really high fever spike.  Turns out that’s a pretty common thing but, no doubt, something a parent can never get used to.  Even as I write this, I can feel my throat closing up and my stomach turning.  

So, Kristin and my date night to The Swell Season was cancelled, and instead we spent the evening in the emergency room.  It’s disappointing, but I’m glad it happened before we left for the show.  We have some great neighbors that helped us out a ton and sprung into action as soon as we needed them.  Thanks for everyone’s prayers and spreading the word.  Cooper’s doing better today, his fever is still off and on and we are watching him pretty close, but he’s eaten today and woke up asking to watch Clifford, so he seems a little more normal. Thanks again everyone.  Your prayers meant so much to us.

Most of you folks on Twitter already know but I spent half of the night last night in the Emergency Room with Blue.  Just before dinner he jumped off the couch (again) and landed on his head.  He was having a hard time eating and falling asleep at dinner so we had him lay down.  About an hour later he started throwing up, and acting really confused.  Not recognizing Kristin or I, and really disoriented.  By around ten, he had thrown up several times and was saying things that didn’t make sense, so I decided to take him in.

Almost immediately the doctor ordered a CAT Scan to make sure his neck and head were okay.  It’s a pretty weird feeling watching your six year old slide into a machine that’s scanning his brain for injury.  He did great and was half asleep during the whole thing.

After the CAT Scan we went back to the room we started in and Blue was hooked back up to the blood pressure thing and the finger thing to keep track of his pulse.  It was pretty quiet in the ER which gave me some time to think and just watch Blue.  I noticed that though he was asleep, I could see on the computer that his heart rate was around 123.  I don’t know anything about medicine so I don’t know if that’s normal in kids, or even if that’s normal in regular people, but as I watched it I could see the waves of what I assume his heart beat was.  After a couple minutes of watching, I reached out and started to rub the side of his face with my finger.  Instantly I noticed a change in his heart rate on the machine.  I watched as his heart rate slowed with every time I rubbed his face.  120, 119, 117, 106, 101, 98, 95, 94.  I stopped rubbing his face and watched as the number slowly climbed back up to the 120’s.  I started rubbing his cheek again and watched the number fall.

You see where I’m going with this don’t you?  Blue was not even awake, and was completely disoriented with what was going on to the point of having a hard time recognizing his parents, but something inside him knew that touch and it calmed him down.  Something inside his senses found peace in that touch, and his heart rate slowed down.  Maybe it was the drama of the night, maybe it was because it was the middle of the night, but I instantly recognized the connection to something more spiritual.  I started thinking about the peace that I feel some times in the middle of my disorientation.  In the middle of my confusion.  The times where even if I don’t recognize what’s going on, and I don’t want people around me, someone is there, rubbing my cheek and slowing my heart rate.

I love the moments in life where the definition of a “father’s love” is so evident.  Ever since I  became a dad I’ve noticed the Biblical connection to that “father’s love” become more and more real.  It’s awesome to see how something like sitting in an emergency room because your six year old has a concussion can actually bring a sense of peace.  A sense of peace that I have needed for a while now.

Anyway.  Blue just woke up and came downstairs and is completely back to normal.  He looks fine, is talking fine, and even has that six year old attitude this morning.  Thanks so much for your prayers last night, and thanks for all the Twitter folks that blew my phone up after hearing about it.  Community across the country still blows me away.

Yesterday my church started a series, I assume with along with a bunch of other churches, called “Live Like You Were Dying“.  Yes, it’s based off the huge country song about riding a bull and skydiving and what-not.  Yes, it’s going to take a little effort for my brain to get past that point, and focus on the actual point.  

According to the introduction yesterday, the series will focus on these four points:  Valuing the people in your life, Speaking more lovingly, Giving and receiving forgiveness, and Embracing eternity.  All these things sound really good and I am excited about really looking into this, but I left church yesterday with a few questions all surrounding one theme.

Being an introduction to the series, the message was pretty simple and sort of an outline for the month.  ”If you had thirty days to live, how would you spend those days?”  How would you spend each hour?  How would you treat your family?  That kind of stuff.  It’s definitely makes you think about what’s really important in life and where our priorities should be.  All good stuff.  

It’s sort of like that movie “The Bucket List”.  I haven’t seen it yet, but the other day we almost rented it so we re-watched the preview.  These two old guys are “living like they were dying”, by jumping out of planes, riding horses, traveling the world, and it totally inspires me to do that.  

Both of these things trigger something in me to “follow my dreams”, “take risks”, “find my priorities”, “love my family with everything in me” and I love all that stuff.  Here’s the problem, and I am hoping that this series at church addresses it.  My problem with it is pretty basic.  How do you afford to “live like you were dying”?  Here’s the thing.  I recognize that if I were to have thirty days to live, you can bet I wouldn’t spend it paying off debt.  I wouldn’t spend it focussed on getting bands to blog, or paying my mortgage.  No, I’d spend it like Tim McGraw, Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson.  I’d spend it traveling with my family.  I’d spend it sleeping as little as I could, and enjoying every second.  I’d spend it making sure that every moment was packed with something amazing.  And I’d spend it with complete disregard to credit card debt or retirement.  Obviously this isn’t what this series is about, but I can’t help but come at it with that approach.

So where’s the balance?  How do I “live like I am dying” while recognizing the importance of planning and responsibility?  Is that possible?  Like I said, this is a new series, so I would assume they address this question.  It’s not like I am the only one that is going to ask that.

So what do you guys think?

**Oddly enough, I had no idea that Kristin blogged about this same subject, but with a different spin**