Generational Sins
My parents divorced when I was three… or four… something like that. I don’t know, I was little. Now that I’m older I know about some of the events that lead up to that divorce. I don’t know all the stories of pain, violence, infidelity, or whatever, but I know that it was a mess. Enough of a mess for it to need to end. And let’s face it, who doesn’t have a mess to some degree in their life? Anyone my age or younger knows the ripple affect of a broken home, abuse, neglect or things like that. Who doesn’t have drama from their upbringing, right?
But here’s where I start getting real passionate. I had a pretty amazing guy step in and take the roll of my dad. To this day he’s one of the closest people to me in my life. Does that mean I don’t have life-long drama from the handful of years that I was alive without him? Nope. Does that mean that I didn’t grow up with the ‘awkwardness’ of having two dads? Nope. Or having to be the decision maker of where I was going to live? Or what last names my wife and kids were going to have? But I’m going to be honest. I had a pretty great upbringing. It was safe, it was healthy, and it was exactly what I needed as a kid and now adult with my own kids.
And here’s the thing. We live in a generation of people looking for any excuse possible to blame their selfish actions on what we’ve conveniently named ‘Generational Sin’. I could blame any of my actions on the broken home that I came from. The dad that wasn’t around, the frustrations of Summer Vacations away from my friends, weirdness of having to explain who that guy is at my graduation. All that. I could sit back and not take ownership of any of it. And that’s exactly what we do right?
“This is what my parents did, so it’s natural.” ”I’m an alcoholic because my dad was.” ”I treat women badly because that’s what I saw growing up. It’s in my blood.” ”I’m a manipulator because my mom cheated.” ”I’ve got a temper that I inherited from my dad.” The list goes on. It’s the easiest out right? We want to blame our selfish, screwed up lives on something biological. It’s something we can’t change. It’s the way we are wired. Really? Let’s take a look. *I’ve added the “bold”*.
Jeremiah 31:29-32 (NIV)
In those days people will no longer say, ‘The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children’s teeth are set on edge.’ Instead, everyone will die for his own sin; whoever eats sour grapes–his own teeth will be set on edge. “The time is coming,” declares the Lord, “when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah. It will not be like the covenant I made with their forefathers…”Ezekiel 18:14-16,18-20 (NIV)
“But suppose this son has a son who sees all the sins his father commits, and though he sees them, he does not do such things: He does not eat at the mountain shrines or look to the idols of the house of Israel… He does not oppress anyone… He does not commit robbery, but gives his food to the hungry and provides clothing for the naked… He will not die for his father’s sin; he will surely live. But his father will die for his own sin, because he practiced extortion, robbed his brother and did what was wrong among his people. Yet you ask, ‘Why does the son not share the guilt of his father?’ Since the son has done what is just and right and has been careful to keep all my decrees, he will surely live. The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him.“
Well crap. There goes that theory I guess. Looks like I’m going to have to answer for myself when I treat my kids badly. Looks like it actually is my fault when I selfishly go against what I know is right. Seems like there really is no excuse for living like a jerk.
Okay, that last paragraph was a bit tongue-in-cheek, but you get the idea. So, I want to hear what you guys think. I’ve never really had an open discussion about “Generational Sin” and my opinions on it, with anyone but Kristin. She knows it’s something that has always bothered me, but I don’t know if it’s just me. The thing is, I don’t buy it. I refuse to accept the excuse from anyone that there’s some magical blood running though our bodies that causes us to not be able to control our own selfish actions. It’s not our great-great-great grandfather’s fault that we act the way we do. It’s not the chemical make-up of my DNA that causes me to treat people badly. It’s selfishness and sin. Bottom line. Unless I’m missing something in these verses.
So what do we think? I know it’s a little heavy of a topic, but I’m curious your thoughts.
Ready? Go.
Yes, I believe generational sin happens quite naturally and that can be broken by God’s grace.
I think there’s a time when one has to take ownership of their own sins & you can no longer blame your upbringing or your parents for them.
I’ve seen it in my in-laws. I’ve never seen one family so messed up by drugs & alcohol. We’ve adopted 2 of my brother-in-law’s kids & their half-sister because of it. When he went to anger management classes one of the things he wrote was that it was his father’s fault and my husband’s. He refused to take ownership. His paternal grandparents were alcoholics. My father-in-law a heroin addict, most of his (my father-in-law) siblings (cousins) – full, half & step have struggled with alchoholic/drugs as their parents. It’s what they saw.
My Father-in-law told my husband that one of his lasting memories is coming home one day to find his father and a lady across the street laying naked and passed out on his father’s bed. His mother & father would later divorce & his dad & the lady across the street would later marry. His Dad’s playmates would later become his brother & sisters. There’s 14 in all.
So I’d have to say, yes.
You never cease to amaze me! I love it when you go beyond the “fluff” of the world and get really serious about issues that are in all our lives.
I just celebrated 3 years clean last Sunday. Got my medallion today, so there is a lot on my mind. I get so reflective this time of year. Between my belly-button birthday (that I share with your lovely wife) and a clean date, there is so, so much to be thankful for in my life.
For so long I gave up ownership of everything in my life. It was everyone else. Not me!! I love what Sarah said about God’s grace. Wow! Just as He saved my life in college, He did it again some 3 years ago. I stand in amazement & wonder at what He gives me each & every day. The shelter, the people, the food, the car, the sun, the mountains, my life.
I blame no one for my step into the dark side. Not God. Not my parents. Not my genes. It all comes back to me and the bad choices I made for a period of time. I am not a dummy and neither are most of my friends in recovery. Just a bunch of mis-wired people trying to figure out how to live from one day to the next. (pretty much like the “normies”! )
I must have the willingness to listen to the advice of others. I must be honest with myself & accept that I am an addict (in recovery). I must give back to those newcomers that come in the doors of a 12-Step meeting every single day. And most importantly, I must reconnect with God. He gives me the strength. And the willingness. And the courage. And the patience, compassion, empathy, and love.
I must play an active part in my life. To not blame others for my misfortunes, but accept who I am, as a child of God. And not keep it to myself.
Up until a persons eyes are opened by the Lord they are always going to be in sin. I don’t know if it is as much a person blaming a parent on having this sinful activity or them reaching a mature decision that it must stop because it doesn’t advance what God has planned for them to do. When we are young we try to follow the Alpha male (as a guy speaking here) in the house just to get the attention and have some interaction. Good or bad, right or wrong it is all the influence we actually get in large doses. When you reach an age that you can accept that actions cause pain and does not follow the teachings of the good book then you are living as a sinner as well. My father and bro are the kind that believe in something but have no idea what (im still confused on this idea). My mother took my bro and I to church every sunday until she understood we knew enough to make our own decisions. At first I didn’t go because it was something my dad did but a few years after graduation I was standing in a warzone and I wasn’t looking for my earthly father to help me but I was looking up to my heavenly Father for protection. My dad has some real cool ideas on the world don’t get me wrong he’s twice as smart as I am but HIS flaw on faith could have lead me down a different path. This is where things have changed. At this point in my life it scares me to death that his flaw could cost him his soul. God opened MY eyes to the choices that I have to make to stop the sin. I don’t blame him in the least for the sins I have done in the past, those are mine I deal with them my way. My job currently is to put the armor of God on my kids and show them that no matter how bad it gets to have a true relationship with the Almighty. To blame my dad for my sins limits anything and everything God has planned for me. If I choose to blame my dad for my sins I can just as easily choose to forgive my dad for his sins and change my ways. Hope I didn’t talk in too many circles.
Brody, what do you think this verse means then Numbers 14:18 The LORD [is] longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression, and by no means clearing [the guilty], visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth [generation].
I think it means that a child’s upbringing very much has to do with how he turns out. If a child’s parents are in gross sin it will most definitely affect a child’s future. Unless God intervenes in Mercy & Grace.
I asked my friend/pastor William about those verses and his response made complete sense to me, so instead of re-writing it in my own words I figured I’d just share what he wrote on here:
The Numbers verse is a quote of exodus 34 6-7
I think it shows that God is a god of compassion but that his wrath is very real. Notice the part about all who are alive. You generally never have more than 4 generations alive in a family at one time so the sin is visited on everyone in the family who is alive…that’s the way I take it; not so much as a trickle down yet we do know that some factors do trickle down but in the end like you said its about choice
34:6–7. God’s attributes and willingness to punish to third and fourth generation. Moses had asked to “know” God’s ways (33:13), and this list of the thirteen attributes of God (according to Jewish tradition) serve as his answer. It is not unusual in the ancient world to find lists of various deities’ attributes. While mercy and justice figure prominently among them, many lists are more interested in attributes of power, while this one focuses on the benevolent graciousness of God. This list is quoted many times in the Scriptures (Num 14:18; Neh 9:17; Ps 86:15; 103:8; 145:8; Joel 2:13; Jonah 4:2; Nah 1:3) and forms a sort of confessional statement. The litany of God’s characteristics is still used in Jewish liturgy today and was probably an established part of the temple worship prior to the exile. Although compassion, constancy and the reliability of God’s love are stressed, the consequences of failure to obey God’s command are made perfectly clear by the magnification of punishment on future generations (see Deut 5:9). Punishment to the third or fourth generation expresses the fact that covenant violation brings guilt on the entire family. “The third and fourth generation” thus refers to all living members of the family. This is a stark reminder of communal guilt after the incident of the golden calf (32:19–35).
Am i understanding the July 19th reply to mean until a child is able to make a right or wrong decision according to the teachings they carry both the mothers and fathers burden of sin with them? I ask because Ezekiel 18:14-16,18-20 gives me a different thought process. I have heard this conversation before but never gave it this much thought until now.