‘I’m Just Being Honest’
I saw on Twitter the other day a guy laying into MercyMe because he thought that the “theme” of their new song had been over done. Apparently ‘Worship and Love’ is so 2009. He went on to berate the guys publicly for a while and then I saw it. The Tweet that I had been waiting for. It went something like this: “Am I the only one on Twitter who tells it like it is?” then he went on to say how everyone else was weak and he was awesome or something like that. Funny thing is, the guys in MercyMe dealt with it graciously and he ended up apologizing a couple days later. But I thought he was just ‘telling it like it is’?
Now, that’s not even remotely the only instance where I’ve heard someone proclaim on Twitter, Facebook or blogs that they are “just being honest”. It seems that we are all allowed to ‘just be honest’ whenever we want even if that means that we come back a day later and apologize because we realized our ‘honesty’ may have been inappropriate at that time or place. You’ve seen it too haven’t you? Someone spouting off from their soapbox that is Twitter or Blog and tag it with “I’m just being honest here”. Then there’s a whole bunch of comments about how “authentic” they are, or how “real” they are being. Meanwhile the destruction in their wake leaves people feeling beat up and hurt.
I think if we’re really being ‘honest’ the posts would look a little more like this:
I’m an insecure person. Technology has allowed me to have a platform to a handful of people who agree with my views and opinions on certain things. Because I have this circle of people digitally surrounding me I feel safe to lash out at people I’ve never met because I know that a good percentage of ‘my people’ will agree with me.
Because of this digital expression I have also found a small niche of things that I have thought about maybe a little more than others, and can now claim to be an expert on it, thus giving me the right to berate people who feel differently or haven’t thought about it as much as me. After all ‘my people’ will agree with me right? And if they don’t “I’m just being honest and, they apparently just can’t handle my honesty. That’s not my fault. It’s theirs.
Never mind that we are called to love each other, this is an expression of ‘me’ and if you don’t like it, that’s just too bad. Jesus never had a blog or Twitter, so there’s no rules on what can or can’t be done there. It’s fair game blanketed by ‘honesty’, and the way I am ‘honest’ makes me feel better about myself as a person. In fact, when I attack people digitally I walk a little straighter that day because I ‘stuck it to someone else’ and proved to my readers how much I know about my niche topic. It makes me feel good about myself and that’s really what I’m after. That’s what we are all after when it comes down to it.
I know that I’m supposed to put others before me, but I try not to let that affect the way I Tweet or blog because sitting in my room it’s really about me and what makes me feel good. And that’s just me being honest.
Romans 13:8-10
“Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law.
For this, “YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY, YOU SHALL NOT MURDER, YOU SHALL NOT STEAL, YOU SHALL NOT COVET,” and if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, “YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.”
Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. ”
If love was so “2009″ why would Paul’s writing still be relevant today? I’m glad the man apologized. I think there is far too little thought given to what is posted on the internet because the posters do not have to look these people in the eye and see the pain they are causing.
http://glovesjesus2008.blogspot.com/2010/02/challenge-to-love.html
I’m just being honest, but this topic has been covered time and again on this blog ( http://skorinc.us/brodyharper.com/2010/02/09/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice/ ) isn’t it about time you came out with something “new…”?
J/K man, agree completely. As I said to you last week, I have no idea why this guy got the impression that MercyMe was on the verge of metamorphosing into a Christian jazz fusion band. If you caught my interactions with him you would have noted that the only thing sadder than MercyMe doing the “same old same old” was that people were buying the music out of their own volition. He seemed SHOCKED that people were buying it despite the fact that they had already heard it. Oh, well, he got what he wanted out of it, his “10 minutes” and a potential latte with Mike S. Maybe I should tell them they suck.
I do think it does go back to the “Thumper Rule” (as edified in the post I linked above). It’s like a couple weeks ago when a major label did the standard “reissue” of an artist’s independent CD as a “1st cd from that artist on the label.” Except it wasn’t your standard reissue because the songs were re-mixed, some re-recorded, and a new one added. But doesn’t someone put a 1 star review on iTunes telling the artist to “write something new.” I can get where someone familiar with the artist might feel that way but the beauty of iTunes is you can decide to buy the album or just individual songs. So the guy could have just bought the new song and/or the re-recorded songs and been on his way. What kind of “long-time fan” does such a “disservice” to an artist? Tried to rally the troops to rate the review down (wasn’t really a review of the CD….), but to no avail…in fact it’s been rated UP a few times…
Sad how people confuse “honesty” with “tact” and so will ask “what recourse do I have when I find an artist I love’s new work disappoints me?” You can offer your opinion, but be constructive in your criticism. And that doesn’t mean the passive-aggressive style jabs phrased as compliments that were pointed out so well in the “if you can’t say anything nice” post.
And just because you have a platform for communicating directly with the artists doesn’t mean you HAVE TO. But the big thing to acknowledge through the whole process is that your opinion is exactly that: your opinion. Don’t believe that presenting it in a bombastic way gives your opinion any more credence than the next person in the twitter feed…
It’s pretty simple, and it boils down to Wil Wheaton’s (yes, that Wil Wheaton) motto, which I will paraphrase given the audience: “Don’t be a jerk.” Being nice may not get you latte w/ the guitarist from MercyMe but it will make your life in general a whole lot better…
But I’m preaching to the choir here…
I’ve always appreciated the way you share your opinions about “the industry” in your letters on this blog. It is respectful and yet shares truth. You invite them to the discussion on how to make things better for everyone. You offer solutions instead of just telling them everything they are doing wrong. I appreciate that. A friend shared the following with me, and I’ve tried to follow it, but struggle. Before you speak, is it:
True
Helpful
Important
Necessary AND (not or)
Kind?
Shouldn’t it also apply to our online presence? +
Love how you put it. It’s hard for me to fathom the ugliness that is spewed in the name of “honesty”, instead of honesty being shared in the name of love, with kindness and tenderness, not demanding our own way. As I get older, I’ve found that there is so much we all (at different times) seem to view as absolute because that’s all we’ve known. Instead we should be seeking God, the Bible, not man. Thank you for sharing this….wonderfully written and very true.
This has a really world manifestation in the people who start their sentences with “No offense but…………..” and then proceed to say something that is unnecessary, rude and hurtful. I find it really frustrating when people do that.
Brody, you always think these things through. Then, you express it in a kind way. Not defensive, but side-by-side with MM. You (nor MM guys) said not one unkind thing to or about the person in question. No one coerced me into buying something I didn’t want, hadn’t heard, or thought was going to be one thing & wasn’t. Goes back to Bart’s reason for writing “One Trick Pony”. Think he needs to leave it on the set list!
I like Rowan’s “THINKS”. What a great reminder!
And, as always, “if you can’t say something nice…..”
See you in Tacoma!
I’ll admit, I could never say “i’m just being honest” because my honest opinion changes every hour. that’s why i like to keep opinions to myself… unless i can only picture good things coming from them.
Where the Like button? Being one with a big mouth at times, this is something I’m constantly watching. Making sure what I say is encouraging and appropriate, but also finding the right way to say something harsh when it might need to be said.
In a similar manner, people quite frequently use “being authentic” as an excuse to throw up all over everyone around them these days. (Hopefully, I suppose, that’s metaphorical throw up!). It is as though by keeping a thought or feeling to oneself, a person is somehow being unauthentic (as opposed to the old fashioned idea of simply being ‘polite’).
Liz
Being a person who has to “check herself” before speaking because she use to be one of those “I’m just being honest” people, I understand the thoughts behind the speaking (or typing as it were). It is not with the direct intention to be hurtful-it is hurtful-but that is not the intent.
It is: “I have a thought and no one else would have thought this thought in just this way. Since they might not have thought of it, and if they hear it they might suddenly realize they were thinking the wrong thing, then I must tell them, and I must do so over and over until they admit their mistake!” It all comes down to-”I am smarter then the rest of the world”. No humility.
A person who uses the internet platform can come across even more so that way then someone who does it face to face. But it is still the same core issue–no humility. I am smarter, I know the truth, the right answer, and you ought to listen to me because you just haven’t realized you are wrong. –well not me personally =)