The Problem With Facebook
So, I got this message on Facebook the other day from a friend of mine in high school. We were on the same baseball team, had some of the same classes. You know. Normal stuff. Last I heard he went to the military, but literally hadn’t spoken to him in over ten years. Ten years.
So I get this message from him that was super nice and short. Sort of a “Hey man, heard you were married and might have some kids. What have you been up to?” kind of message…. In the last ten years?!?
Hmmm. Well, I’ve been up to a lot in the last ten years, and so have you. It’d be awesome to sit down over a meal or two and chat about our wives, kids, careers, and, you know, the last ten years.
I don’t know. Maybe that just throw me off and not other people, but how on earth to I respond to the last ten years of my life in a Facebook message? Do people really connect this way?
But my weirded-out-ness doesn’t stop with just connecting with people I haven’t talked to in ten years. Another part that weirds me out about it is when people throw up a status update pouring their heart out for the world to see. Their depression, their divorce, their issues with their kids, their issues with their parents… on Facebook. Really?
I guess what it all comes down to is it feels like “connecting” on something like Facebook or Twitter seems like it might be disconnecting us from actual relationships. And I’m sure there’s someone else who has written about this far more eloquent that I have. Heck, they probably even have a list of ten things do to keep this from happening or something. But that’s what’s weirding me out today.
What do we think?
On the former issue I see no difference there than an getting an e-mail out of the blue from someone in a similar “been a long time” scenario. Bounce the basics back. Maybe instead of talking about what’s happened put it in terms of who you are now. What’s nice about Facebook is that, once connected, “keeping up” is simply a matter of seeing statuses, perhaps connecting on a micro-level by responding to statuses/posted items, etc. I’m usually pretty bland in my responses (when people bother to message me) knowing that they will get an idea of who I am now just from what I do/say that appears on their news feed.
As for the “over-sharers,” well that used to be called blogging.
Seriously though, those over-sharing on FB now are those who were oversharing on their blog or myspace, etc before FB. At least now there’s some sense of privacy involved (only sharing with people I vaguely knew 10 years ago instead of total strangers. 
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I think you have to take it person by person. Do I want to know what so-and-so has been up to? I hate hitting the ignore button, but sometimes you just have to make that decision. I do think some people over-use FB. It’s a great way for families that live far apart to stay connected. I’m sure your mother likes that. Especially when it comes to photos of the boys. People that still live in Cali & you haven’t seen or heard from in 10 years? Maybe not.
And thanks. Still listening to Scott Phillips via the mp3 player on his website. Just what I don’t need. More music to put on my poor little 2G iPod!!
Get with the times, Brody. Online is the new offline.
In all seriousness, the reality of it is, there’s people out there you’re just not gonna connect with in real life… not because you don’t like them or because they don’t like you or anything along those lines, but it’s just not convenient. I hate saying someone is “inconvenient,” but people come and go out of our lives all the time simply because that’s what people do. I like the fact that just because it’s over, it doesn’t mean it has to be over.
I’ve had the same strange reconnections happen (“What have you been up to the past 20 years?” question.). Weird and overwhelming, to say the least.
While I agree in that social networking can very well become a wedge of isolation to real-life, face-to-face relationships, Nick Purdy of Paste Magazine had some pretty good thoughts on the subject. Worth the quick read:
http://www.qideas.org/blog/on-ambient-knowledge-and-the-efficacy-of-socializing-online.aspx
Great article Mark. Totally makes sense. I think there’s a level of “intimacy” that can be reached online that simply isn’t possible with everyone in “real life”, but I think the danger is when those begin to trade places…. if that makes sense.
Brody: fb is amazing and weird at the same time. I signed up to test it out for my daughter and within 24 hours was bombarded with friend requests from people I haven’t seen in 20 years! I am HOOKED! It has been nice to reconnect and to even make new connections with other (like MercyMe friends). I love that I am connected and reunited with old friends via fb.
Everybody has had that awkward friend request…you know, we weren’t really friends in high school so being fb friends today? The social ‘awkwardness’ you point out that has come about from fb is a good point…but it doesn’t really bother me because the benefits outweigh the social discomfort. How else would I find out that my neighbor’s dog is potty-trained, or that my co-workers kid is teething, or what you had for breakfast?
I agree! One of the things that I see is people trying to have “relationships” through Facebook FIRST and not really knowing the person other than by way of social media. It’s one thing to have met a person and be connecting for networking reasons. its another to start a relationship online.
Why are people obsessed with needing to have so many friends? It’s become a contest in many people’s minds over who can have the most friends, the most posts in a day, status updates, etc.
We have chosen to replace relationships with Facebook (social media) rather than just using it as a supplement to a relationship.