Remember The Better Half
I haven’t been in the “business” world or the “entertainment” world long, but I’ve noticed something interesting recently and am wondering if it’s the same in other facets of business. I’ve noticed how common it is to forget or ‘overlook’ the family of the person you are doing business with. It seems like in the music industry specifically, it should be a family affair and the decisions that are made affect the entire family. Whether it’s signing a record deal, choosing a manager, planning a touring schedule, or even where to live the entire household is affected and the Industry (capital I) needs to recognize that. Now I’ve seen great examples of this, and I’ve seen really bad examples of this.
Look at it this way. If there is someone that you want to do business with, whether you’re a… let’s say web presence company, and want to start working with an artist and want them to understand that their success is important to you, yet when you meet their family you blow off their wife and ignore their kids, it’s sending a clear message that what is important to them is clearly not important to you. Or let’s say you’re a manager and are considering working with an artist, or an artist wanting to work with a manager, or an artist wanting to work with a web presence guy, or a label wanting to sign an artist, or whatever, but you don’t treat their family as if they deserve your time, how can they feel comfortable putting their career in line with you and the direction you would take them? Common sense right? But I think that happens more than we realize.
Now again, I’m sure it’s like this everywhere in business, but more specifically in the music industry, family needs to be more accepted and the ‘business’ side of things needs to realize that more. If an artist is important to you, then the most important people in their life also need to be important to you. If a manager is important for you to work with, their family has to be equally as important. And it goes both ways. Artists, if you want to work with someone, treat their family nice. Sounds simple right?
So this long-winded post is simply to say. ’Hey music business people, stop blowing off the wives and family of the people you want to work with. Yeah I know you want to look ‘cool’ to the artist and you think you’re cool because you work in the music business, but the easiest way to work with them, is to treat them all as if they are important to you.’
So is it like this in other parts of business? Does anyone out there see this happen in business?
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Good thoughts Brody! Being a single woman working in a majorly male dominated industry I make every effort to meet and get to know the wives and children of the men I work around. Our industry needs the families to be built up bad. Maybe we wouldn’t see so many struggling with divorce, affairs, other marriage and family issues if everyone came alongside and built up the family. Many of the wives are older and wiser than me and have sown much wisdom into my life. The children of the people I work with are even more important because I hope they see the impact their dad’s are having on the world and don’t ever resent their dad’s calling. I won’t name drop here but one artist plays a lot of Premier events has an entourage of little kids who love hanging and playing with me backstage. The artist himself…had a big impact on me when I was a young teen. It’s such a privilege to be able to give back and love on his kids! If any of you out there that know me feel I ever disrespect your families, please call me out on it!
i’m always interested in the family of my favorite artists. some are able to travel with the group and many others stay on the homefront managing a household and taking care of the children. the spouses allow us to love & follow the artist, so please always remember the people that are in the background keeping the home fires burning.+
I quite agree with you, Brody.
Ryan works in the movie/tv biz quite a bit. When I have met the producers, directors, actors, etc. that he works with, so far, I have NEVER felt brushed off. In fact, most of the time, they treat me and the kids like it is an honor to meet us. I figure it happens because (1) my husband is such a likable guy and (2) he talks about us all the time. Just a guess.
Thank you for writing this!!
I’ve wanted to write a book on this in the short time I’ve spent as a wife of a musician. There is a litmus test among wives that is commonly understand & never discussed. You can always tell the true intentions of a person, by how they treat the wife when the husband/spouse is not around.
So many times I have walked into churches and not said who I was with, as a test. 9 our of 10 fail. Its sad to me and use to make me angry because I had an expectation that I would at least be treated kindly. Now, I never hold that expectation.
Im not the type of person that needs special treatment or people to fawn over me because of my husband, but a little respect and niceness goes a looooong way. Just to be treated like a human being in the room sometimes is the best thing. The worst is when people talk to your spouse like you aren’t there and never acknowledge your presence (even if you are standing next to your spouse)
There was one time at a show where this person was absolutely rude to me. Downright maddening rude! Then my husband came to get me and they said, “Ohhh you’re with him? It’s great to meet you.” Gag, gag, gag.
Authenticity is a huge word in the world right now. I think the entertainment industry as a whole (not sectioned up into little segements, christian, non-christian) has this idea that treating someone more special based on their talents/career/ministry will get the points.
NEWS FLASH: If you want to score points, treat the spouse and kids well (genuinely) and you’ll go further than you ever would just pandering to the artist.
After re-reading my post I sound very angry, haha.
Just wanted to drive Brody’s point home on the importance of including the important parts of an artists life: his family.
Great post!
It is so odd that the corporate world caught onto this a LOOOOONG time ago. If they really want to court a potential partner or candidate for a position, they wine and dine the wife.
I’ve been in the corporate world since 1994. I can count on less than four fingers the folks that I have worked for that appeared to give a rip about my family. The emphasis has always been how many hours I can work to make things better and add to the bottom line of the P&L.
What many businesses have NOT figured out is that keeping good employees is generally NOT about the money, but more intangible qualities. No one has ever “wined and dined” my wife. Heck most of them didn’t even know or remember her name.
From my experience, I can’t agree that the corporate world has caught on.
No disrespect intended – just haven’t experienced it.
It’s interesting that Carlos & Heather did a short video on how that fit family night in. Every week. Without fail. For me, not being in “the business”, still see it in every work situation I’ve been in for almost 30 years.
Companies that claim that it’s “family first” don’t always say that once you’re hired. My family was second only to my faith & God. Work is third.
It’s funny. My daughter defended the fact that she had a mom who worked. I did not miss one thing that she participated in. At school or in club volleyball or at church. I always made time for her & her activities. She tells people she never felt “forgotten”. I was lucky. During my addiction there are probably a few events I don’t remember, but that’s a whole other subject!
I have GREAT respect for you & the musicians & crew you travel with. And great respect for Kristin & the boys. You are a family guy & I know it’s got to be really hard sometimes. For everyone on those buses.
Keep changing the way people look at life. I know it’s not just you, but you are a great messenger. For God & for your clients.
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I agree with Joe, I work in the corporate world too and its been my experience that they do tend to focus on the job without regard to family. Its funny because my company talks of balancing work and family all the time but that’s all it is, talk.
A few years ago I struggled trying to work full time and be my mother’s only caregiver. My mother had alzheimer’s and that was a job in itself but trying to get time off to take care of her or get her to appointments was an act of congress. Yes, I had the FMLA papers in place but the guilt they would lay on me for missing work was tough.
Same with bereavement, my company gives you 3 days with pay for family but they made me fell so guilty for taken off for my grandfathers funeral that I didn’t take all 3 days and came back early.
And don’t even get me started with pets, that is one that not many people understand at all and yet they become such a part of our families. Years ago my dog got so sick that the vet said she was suffering and that we needed to euthanize her. I left work a total mess, crying and all but they could not understand why I couldn’t come back and finish my day.
Now that I have a granddaughter I love participating in her school events or award shows but again trying to get time off is not always easy. I had to call in sick one time just to get the time off to be able to attend.
I understand there are jobs to be done but yet there are ways to get the job done and still be considerate and allow time for family. Its called managing the time well.
I totally get this post, good thoughts Brody
Paisely – all I can say is AMEN. All I’ve ever seen is lip service – when it’s time for the rubber to meet the road there is all rubber and no road.
Businesses are in business to make money; however, I long to see the creativity that will allow a real balance of both! The folks that really figure this balance out will explode with success – just watch…
To me, business at the core is about relationships…..see people miss the entire point and “business” gets a bad rap.
I agree Joe, those that can do both are massively successful!
In the healthcare world, especially hospitals, there is a strong sense of family. However, the family members of physicians, nurses, allied health and other pros make great sacrifices to allow one to work in the 24/7 world of medicine.
Anyone who recruits physicians knows that a primary reason hospitals attract and keep a physician is tied to the happiness of the family, not the physician. If the spouse hates the town or the kids hate the school, there is nothing you can do to keep that doctor.
So, on average, the healthcare world values family members. I was disappointed to learn otherwise in your post.