***The following post is not endorsed by nor does it represent the beliefs of this blogs author, his employer, and or his awesome, hot wife… though they did laugh a lot***

In the mid 80’s a sport emerged in pubs and bars and took America by storm. That sport was midget tossing or dwarf tossing.

The rules were simple; grab a little person and throw him or her as far as you possibly can.

Now we’re sure many of you think this was very cruel, but keep in mind that these flying little people got paid a giant sum to be hurled by drunken pub patrons. Some of them made over $100,000.00 a year until 1989 when the sport became banned in the US.

The longest midget toss on record that we could find was made during the British Dwarf Tossing championships of 2002 when Jimmy Leonard of England tossed all 4′4″ and 98 pounds of Lenny the Giant a giant 11 feet 5 inches.

I’m not sure I even have words for this one.

I got this text message today from my friend Brian:

“Are you going to mow today? I will be mowing from 11:00-11:20 and then again from 12:15-12:45.”

This is the difference between Brian and I. Yesterday I didn’t even know that I was going to buy a car, not to mention if I was going to mow today or what time I might be doing that. Ever since my mower broke, Brian has been gracious enough to let me shoot rocks around my yard with his mower. So scheduling is important… to Brian.

Brian does get loads done in a day though. So much so that I still haven’t really been able to figure out how. Up till recently he has been working for Compassion, booking for Shaun, working on adopting some kids, and still has time to hang out in the yard.

Maybe there is something to this whole freak scheduling thing.

I took yesterday off. I tried not to answer my phone, ignored most emails, didn’t blog, and made myself not think about any of it. I took the day off because starting tomorrow I will be as busy as I ever have been. Shaun and I have four days in Ohio and Missouri, then I fly to New Orleans to meet up with Phil.

Twenty-seven days. Away from my wife and my kids.

The big boys and I decided to take off before noon and grab some corndogs at Sonic. We ate outside of the car because it was “kinda like a picnic”. Green and blue slushies (and a peach smoothie for me) and lunch was taken care of. After that we went over to the movie theatre to watch Underdog. We got there early so we played in the fountain and tried to open different doors and sneak into the theatre. Movie tickets, check. Sour gummy worms, check. It was no surprise but we were the only three in the theatre so I told my five year old that it was a special movie, just for us.

It was a quick afternoon, but fun to actually be able to take the boys out, skip nap time, and have some fun. Tonight we are camping out in the yard for Gresham’s birthday which will round out a great weekend (err…week days?) home.

Oh yeah, and I got pissed at our car last night so I got a new one.

Go buy this album today. It’s fantastic. That is all.

…Just past midnight, Petrov received a computer report he’d dreaded all his military career to see, the computer captured a nuclear military missile being launched from the US, destination Moscow.

He had two options. Go with his instinct and dismiss the missiles as computer errors, breaking military protocol in the process or take responsive action and commence full-blown nuclear actions against America, potentially killing millions….

Read More

(HT:LB)

Every once in a while I think about something that I have purchased and I have no idea why I did it.

The other night while Shaun and I were driving from Dallas to Nashville, we stopped at a truck stop for gas. Due to the weather change, and my constant wearing of flip-flops, my feet have been abnormally dry lately. After driving for several hours, around one in the morning, with the air conditioning blowing on my bare feet, they began to hurt and crack. I walked into the truck stop and bought a bottled water, a Powerbar and walked to the counter.

I realized that I had thought about getting some sort of lotion to put on my feet before we stopped, but had forgotten to look for it while I was getting my other items. I looked at the end of the counter and saw this. “Udderly Smooth Udder Cream”.

“That will work, and it’s only a dollar.”, I think.

Now I have this tube of udder cream.

And the troubling part to me is not that I now own a tube of udder cream. The troubling part to me is that I actually purchased “Udderly Smooth Udder Cream” from a truck stop in Arkansas. And not only that, I purchased “Udderly Smooth Udder Cream” from a truck stop in Arkansas for a dollar… off the counter… of a truck stop in Arkansas.

What’s wrong with me? And why is Udderly Smooth Udder Cream for sale on the counter for a dollar at a truck stop in Arkansas?

His powers are minimal. Really just the one.

He can wake up without an alarm clock. He simply tells his mind that he must be up and moments before the alarm sounds, his groggy eyes open.

As most superheros, The Alarm Clock, emerged from tragedy. The inner struggle for years of being forced to wake up to a loud beeping sound, this brave hero adapted a keen sense of alertness, even in sleep. It doesn’t matter what time this hero goes to bed, or needs to be awake in the morning, which allows him to sleep in if his mind allows. Other days something triggers in his mind and wakes him regardless of fatigue.

Other superheros mock this great hero. Discrediting his important powers. Telling each other there is no value in simply being able to wake up on time. No justice league has ever invited The Alarm Clock on important missions, and he frequently eats breakfast alone.

There is really no way to fight crime or save lives with this special power. No worlds to save, no great symbol in the sky. However, more recently he has started being asked to wake people up in the mornings at specific times.

This is the life of The Alarm Clock. I wish I wasn’t him.

I’m not sure why I am on a superhero kick lately, but make your own here.