There are times when I don’t realize that I live in Tennessee. Times I when I get so caught up in what I am doing with work and life, and friends and forget where it is that I actually live. Then there are days like today, that remind me I live in Tennessee.
Today a notary came to our house to sign papers for a re-finance that we are doing. After getting a call and trying for thirty minutes to give the lady directions, I ended up getting in the car and driving out to find her. She was down the street facing the wrong way. I directed her back to the house she parked in the drive way and came inside.

The next several things are actual comments and bits of wisdom the woman that was in charge of us signing several, important, life altering, legal documents said.

- She mentioned five times that her twenty-three year old totaled her “beautiful 2007 Jeep Cherokee, and the insurance isn’t going to pay for it because he wasn’t on the insurance”.

- Kristin asked her if she would like a glass of water, to which she replied, “You got any vodka?”

- Told us to get life insurance on our kids so it can pay for college. “Even if they aren’t Einstien’s.”

- Told me that she tries really hard to not like Ellen DeGeneres but when she heard that she called Bob Barker a “quitter” she couldn’t help but like her.

- Mid-signing she stopped and was staring at the papers in front of her, and said that for two years she lost her memory and didn’t even know she had a granddaughter. Then said it was no wonder she didn’t recognize anything in her house.

- Advised us to “Make sure to turn on The Andy Griffith Show for people in coma’s and not watch the daily news.”

- Her other son went to college but “lost an arm, and couldn’t be a cop with fake parts.”

After about forty-five minutes of signing papers and scratching our heads in disbelief, Rita May started to pack up her things. She grabbed her notary stamps first, collected them and the pens that we were using and placed them neatly in her plush, purple pouch, with the golden letters spelling “Crown Royal” on the side. She pulled the golden rope tight to close the top and packed it in her purse.

“Well it was great to meet you Rita May. You need directions out of here?”