You know what I wish?

I wish I could live my life, pointing fingers at anyone who disagreed with me. I wish I could verbally attack anyone with “Christian” accusations, that didn’t treat me the way I felt I deserved. I wish nothing I ever said or did to hurt anyone, in my mind, reflected my spiritual appearance. That’s what I wish.

I wish I could turn away from people asking for help, and flip it in my mind to accuse them of selfishness. I wish manipulating situations to make others look bad came easily. I wish bitterness and greed would swell inside me so great that I hate those around me whose lives seem whole. I wish I could spout a Bible verse about forgiveness, but in the next breath attack them for something done in the past. That’s what I wish.

I wish I could join a church. A church where appearance is king. Where divorce rates are low, and faithfulness is a show. I want to dress the part. I wish I could lease a Lexus and pretend I’m successful. I wish I could only focus on myself, and disregard my neighbors, and fellow human beings. That’s what I wish.

I wish living like Christ was something I could accuse others of not doing, but not really have to do myself. I could send them Bible verses about love and then call them names. Slander them to mutual acquaintances, and accuse them of being too sensitive. I wish poverty didn’t bother me. That I could ignore suffering in the world and only think of myself. That’s what I wish.

This whole “Christian Life” thing is hard. Loving God and loving people is hard. I wish I had a puppet Jesus. One that I could maneuver and make do what I want… for me.. and only me.

That’s what I wish.

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