“Hey Johnny Depp, Put Down The Lamp”
My employer and friend has now joined the long list of celebrities and rock stars that become so overwhelmed with the art within them, that they feel the need to trash a hotel room. Around 2:30, Friday morning, the passion for art swelled up inside Shaun so much that he could do nothing but begin pulling the lamp and alarm clock out of the wall. His troubled artistic mind could no longer handle the pressures of waking up at eleven, messing around on the computer for a few hours and then playing music. He snapped.
I’ve heard it starts with the sound of classical music waking you from a deep sleep. The kind that sounds like it’s being played from a small clock radio. With an excess of mid’s and high’s. After the music jolts you awake, causing you to be disoriented, and angry. It starts to get louder and louder until you begin to realize that your precious fourteen hours of sleep is in jeopardy. The artistic mind then begins to panic. “What’s going on in my head?”, it says. “How can I escape this torture?” The artistic mind takes control over a sub-consciense body. Eyes closed, brows furrowed, arms swinging violently.
Then it happens. The artistic mind identifies it’s enemies. The enemies that are hotel room amenities. First the side table. Then the small note pad and pen are thrown across the room. Drawers are opened, pillows are thrown. Then the lamp. The lamp contains both the power to be turned on and end this mental torture, but in doing so, inflict an equal amount of torture on the eyes. This decision angers the artists mind and the lamp becomes the focus of rage. Pulled from the wall and set on the floor.
Then the final stages of the artistic minds wrath. The center of all that is causing their pain. The radio alarm clock.
“Grab it.”, the mind whispers. “Pull the cord from the wall”, it screams. “Now throw it. Throw it hard.”
At this point anyone staying in the same room as the artistic mind, has been awakened. In this case it was me. Woken up, and now with complete logic watching on as the artistic mind, controlling the artist body, and then understanding the struggle that these human beings have. A life-long battle with their minds. Waking them up, taking over their bodies and attacking their senses.
This important truth is what I learned this weekend.
**In related news Shaun also learned and important truth. Check and make sure hotel alarm clocks aren’t set for 2:30 AM before going to bed.**
that must have been a sight to see.
Well, that’s one version.
Another version would be…
The alarm woke me up at 2:30AM and in an awe-inspiring display of masculinity and raw power I yanked its chord from the wall socket, inadvertently flinging the clock across the room with it. I didn’t know my own strength. And my road manager lay dumbfounded and useless in his bed…laughing at me…and wanting to talk about what just happened. I ignored him, offering no explanation, for none was needed, and slept on.
I like this version much better. We all know that a story with so much detail, history, and facts is much more entertaing (which means it must be true) and some guy saying I accidently threw the alarm clock across the room.
In psychology that is called minimalization and rationalization.
Usually following an episode like this, said rock star is supposed to check into rehab, or at a minimun, anger management classes.
ALWAYS check the alarm in a hotel room! It is so ugly to learn that the hard way.
I guess I feel like, as believers, we should treat hotel rooms with respect. Destroying things, throwing things, ransacking things — it just makes me sad, because if a hotel maid or somebody sees that a “Christian artist” did something like that, it may have eternal consequences.
I guess I’d just like to see Christian rock artists not wantonly destroy everything. That’s how I feel about it.
… for the record…. this entire post was a joke. every, and I mean every room that we leave, is in the exact same condition that it was when we got there… excluding the beds being made.
towels are piled up, trash thrown in the trash cans, and even the remote is put back on the t.v.
Shaun did pull the plug on the radio though…
I am so sorry to hear that Shaun has gone over to the dark side. I will pray harder for him.
Brody, I know you *say* it’s “all a joke”, but it’s really not. This sort of behavior — trashing hotel rooms — is very serious, and could have eternal consequences, and I guess I’m saying I think Shaun should really stop doing it.
That’s how I feel.
That’s so funny…who hasn’t, befor ethey checked out, set the alarm clock to go off at some terrible hour. Well not me personally but it’s a funny idea.