What I said:

“Hello, Mrs. Haircut lady. It’s nice to meet you. I like the length of my hair and have been growing for over a year and a half. If you could just leave the length, but just thin it out a little so I don’t look like a cocker spaniel that would be amazing.

What I did not say:

“Hello Mrs. Haircut lady. It’s nice to meet you. Please completely ignore everything I am about to tell you and assume you know more than me about what I want to do with my hair. Begin just cutting away without a thought as to what it might look like in.. oh.. say about five minutes when it dries. In fact, you know what I could go for? Bangs. I have always liked those old early nineties pictures of high school girls with their hair sticking straight up in the front. Do you think I could pull that off?

And while your at it, leave the back a lot longer because I hear mullet’s are making a comeback. Especially curly ones. If you could keep telling me how cute it will look later when I brush it back and give it that “Eric Estrada in CHiP”s” era feathered look, that would really boost my self esteem.

When you are completely finished destroying any self dignity that I may still have, can you ask me about scheduling my next appointment? Tell me again how great it will look when I part it on the side and maybe blow dry it straight out, and then make sure to take a handful of my money.

Oh yeah and Mrs. haircut lady? How much for those scissors you are selling? Because as soon as I get home, and I mean the very second I get home, I will be cutting off any trace that you had anything to do with my day.